What should I do?

[Ssriruinedmylife]

Hello my name is Max I’ve just turned 17 and I took Prozac for 3 weeks a couple of months ago because my mom pushed me and blackmailed me to take them. I was in deep grief for a couple of months because my girlfriend (who meant the world to me) died in a car crash (in may this year). My dad died also in december 2018 and I was also going trough grief because of that. I was really devastated and vulnerable because of the events that occured in my life, my mom told me everyday that I was mentally ill and that I needed to medicate myself because she told me that she was going to neglect me if I wasn’t going on them.

So I took them and on the first day taking them I felt like my balls where getting numb but I tought that it was like a normal side effect or something so I continued the drug for 3 weeks and quitted them because I became really suicidal in those weeks for the first time in my life, I was also getting really aggresive and I wanted to feel like a normal human being again. So I quitted them and on de second day after I stopped taking them I got voices in my head and I began hallucinate. (I was really terrified about that because I never had symptoms like that.)I didn’t sleep for two nights. After these nights of pure terror and that I was out of touch with reality I at an high intensive care for mentalhealth and they gave me antipsychotics to get some sleep: and they worked, I went out like a light. 3 months after all this bullshit I still feel really medicated: I cant feel my penis (no orgasms), I’ve constant DR DP, No emotions (not even the grief and I dont feel heartbroken wich I really was before these drugs), I’m still hallicunating and hearing voices, I have cognitive issues, I feel like my sexuality and personality are ripped away of me and last: I am not passionate about things anymore: I’m ussualy a musician and a baseballplayer for the Dutch national team.

So all of this happened because my mom pushed me to take these poisons. I’m constantly thinking about commiting suicide because everyday is a complete hell. I’m just 17 and I feel castrated, this is just crazy. The only thing that I ever needed was love and when I got it I was the happiest kid on earth, but she died and I miss her everyday. But now I feel like I’ve lost the ability to feel love and it’s pure torture.

I’m really terrified and scared about the future because I really don’t want to die but I can’t life feeling like a zombie.

So if anyone has options for me about things that I can do: feel free to respond, I would really appreciate it.

And are there any improvements for finding a cure?

Can someone please help me out? What can I do? I’m willing to do everything to get my life back.

-Max.