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Introduction - Blueturtle

Unread postPosted: Sat Dec 15, 2018 8:50 pm
by Blueturtle
Hello everyone. I am a 20 year old man suffering from PSSD from citalopram treatment for severe depression as a teenager.
I have been on the forum for a few months now and I have recently partaken in ghosts genome project. I recommend you do the same.

For the first 4 years of puberty I was extremely hypersexual, around 10th birthday to 14th. Basically the exact OPPOSITE of all the horrible PSSD symptoms. If anything it might have started to become a bit of a problem with how intense my feelings of attraction and capacity for pleasure was pretty insane for someone my age and I was probably consuming too much.. uh... digital media shall we say on the internet. Oh well. I was always a super shy, agreeable, and really nervous person.

At 13 I got bullied pretty badly, dealt with a lot of social isolation. That was rough and I think that left an impract on me and I think I experienced some mild depression and anxiety. But then the summer of 2012 was really awesome, one of the best summers of my life. Summer camp, swimming with my friends at the lake getting French fries, video games. Life was good.

High school rolls by. G 9 starts off well enough I have some good friends and the bullies have gone away. Have my 14th birthday happened in October, things are fine until early December. I started getting sick.

Some mild brain fog, headaches, anhedonia, eye pain. What’s going on here? I just felt worse and worse as the month went by and started feeling depersonalized out of the blue. Hypochondria kicked in trying to figure out what was wrong with me. I get taken to a doctor and get diagnosed with a sinus infection and I am then prescribed antibiotics. I took a bunch of those things, got sinus X-ray scans done etc. And I kept feeling worse and worse.

Then I crashed in early January. It was horrific. Complete anhedonia, brain fog, fatigue, barely could move around. it felt like my body and brain was shutting down, bad stuff. Parents notice things are really wrong so I get taken to a pediatricion. Severe depression runs in the family, my dad has bipolar disorder and a history of bad migraines and responds well to medication. So I get put on pills.

I get prescribed a very very small dose of citalopram (celexa).

Well unfortunately, two weeks later I wake up with horrific akathesia. I thought it was bad anxiety But in retrospect it felt much more physical then that. I was burning inside, depersonalized and super super anxious. Then the next day I go back to my low energy depressed state.

We tell the doctor about all this and she says “well you were on such a low dose so that couldn’t have been a problem.” I keep taking the pills, we go up on the dose and I start to feel better.

Then I read about the side effects. Sexual, others, not tested in children. I was a test pretty much. “Dad I don’t want to be on these things” “son you’re worrying too much these things have been around a long time don’t worry about this”

Well whatever. I noticed a small decrease in libido and reduced genital sensation but it didn’t bother me too much. I started to feel somewhat better later that year but I would have episodes of horrible depersonalization and brain fog that would last for WEEKS.

Then early grade 10, late 2013 shit started getting really bad. For two years I was in and out of hell, some really really really horrific depression. Sexual sides became really bad but that was secondary to all the fucked up psychiatric symptoms the depression the brain fog, the anhedonia, the fucking DEPERSONALIZATION. I considered killing myself at the end of grade 11, I was in a messed up state. I kept taking the pills.

Beginning of G 12 I finally get some desperate relief. Much of my depression lifted and I had one of the best years of my life. My sexual sides were pretty bad but I was having so much fun with other stuff and wasn’t seeing anyone anyways so it wasn’t much of a big deal. I went to a bunch of parties, THREW parties and was the lead actor in my school play. Smoked a ton of weed. Ladies payed attention to me that was nice. I fell in love with this chick who I barely knew that was weird, she seemed to really like me for awhile but I was terrified of her. Never got anywhere with it. She got pissed at me I think. Shit sucks.

During this good year I had a moderate improvement in libido and i’ve Always had perfect erections but that area was pretty numb. Orgasms were super weak. I didn’t realize how serious it was at the time. My libido was NOTHING like what it was before I got super depressed and put on pills but it was ok and it wasn’t a functional issue at the time so I let it slide.

I should have been way more worried.

I graduate high school. I decide to go off the pills. I was 17 and a half at the time, mid 2016. I start getting this awful burning genital pain around the same time I go off the pills. Libido lowers. It’s not debilitating but it’s very annoying, I just tried to brush it off. My depression was pretty well taken care of, and my anxiety was non existent.

Well it’s been two and a half years and I still have genital anesthesia, ejaculatory anhedonia, and low libido. Sometimes my symptoms get more severe then other times but overall my sexual health is pretty bad. I’m never “horny” and I rarely feel sexual interest and still have the burning and tingling. It’s so horrible when beautiful woman give me so much attention and I KNOW the old me would want to have sex with them so badly but it’s like looking at a tree or grass when I see these woman. It’s horrible.

There are linerging positive and negative sides from taking those pills. It cured my social anxiety and lowered my capacity for some negative emotions. Also just kinda emotionally numb and screwed up my sexuality badly. It so wasn’t worth it.

One woman randomly aroused me somewhat, she was really really good looking. So that’s a positive sign. But yeah my libido is none existent 80% of the time and even when it’s there it’s like 25% of what it used to be.

This has screwed me up so badly in the head, I considered killing myself and was hospitalized by my folks for a day at the emergency mental health place. Psychiatrist suggested putting me on Effexor and an antipsychotic on top of the Wellbutrin I was already taking. Fuck that. I told her about PSSD and wrote 12 medical references or so on a piece of paper, animal studies, David healy’s Research, Prozac leaflet describing PSSD etc. She glares at me saying “High doses of antidepressants given to young rats is a huge stretch to small doses in humans. You’re being too negative. It’s just depression, the sexual problems will go away when the depression is treated.” Well she told me to consider Effexor and an antipsychotic which would screw me up even worse then I already was, would have really hurt my horomones even worse.

Most psychiatrists are good people. My dad might be a dead man without antidepressants and CBT. I consider doctors our allies but she didn’t really care. She thought I was psychotic, that I was having sensory conversion disorder like delusions. I don’t know any clinical depressed people that can be kicked in the balls and not feel anything.

I’m a good looking young dude. Woman seem to really like me. My friends have pointed that out to me. If I had my old libido I would be going ham every single day but nope i’m Borderline asexual, even for the time when I was off the pills feeling better. This is horrible.

I’ve gotten a bunch of tests done, I have extremely high testosterone bizarrely enough. Prolactin is normal. Thyroid is normal. Diabetes tests are negative.

Wellbutrin 300 mg had a temporary positive effect, mild-moderate recovery of genital sensation and libido but it was pretty limited.

Yeah. This has really messed up my sense of direction in life, it looks like we’re making progress though. Finding solutions. Good research being pooled. People want to help. Sage-217, a new antidepressant looks like it’s going to be approved by the FDA and it may be really helpful to the post finasteride syndrome community. Might help us too. Regulates the neurosteroid Allopregnanolone.

It’s been a dark road but I’m here to find solutions. The temproary improvements i’ve Experienced give me a lot of hope.

PLEASE take part in the genome project! This is so so important, we can get a better idea of what’s going on. BUY 23ANDME KIT.

I did an interview with another member of this forum called fema4psychiatrists on YouTube about PSSD. Feel free to give it a listen if you have the time.

https://youtu.be/q1inJv8GTfI

Thanks.

Here to help.

-Blueturtle

Re: Introduction - Blueturtle

Unread postPosted: Sun Dec 16, 2018 4:53 am
by Snake
Welcome bro, I'm 20 too. We've got so much time to get cured/to improve. Try to always think positive, good luck

Re: Introduction - Blueturtle

Unread postPosted: Thu Dec 20, 2018 9:35 am
by Blueturtle
Thanks snake, there seems to be some good news. They’re 3 studies that show it’s possible to treat PSSD like symptoms in rats so it’s optimistic that we can find help for this.

Re: Introduction - Blueturtle

Unread postPosted: Tue Jan 15, 2019 7:41 pm
by sovietxrobot
man, this story sounds way too similar to my own. I had a lifelong major anxiety disorder. citalopram cured me, then I stupidly missed too many doses and broke my brain. I had a horrendous crash- complete loss of sex drive, total anhedonia, brain fog. This happened to me sometime in 2012, Ive been grappling with it for a long time. Id be happy to compare notes.