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Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 10:28 am
by healing
Hi everybody, I’m 19 and I’ve been lurking on this forum since July 2018, I figured I should finally tell my story. This forum has been a godsend for me and thousands of others suffering. Thank you Ghost, Sonny, and everyone that contributes to this forum for providing me with hope and guidance. Anyways, I took Escitalopram (30mg) from January 2016-July 2016, quickly tapered without supervision of my psychiatrist, and got a form of PSSD as a result. I initially tapered because I noticed that my anxiety had largely gone away, and I wasn’t getting morning wood. Since then I've had a variety of symptoms including:

-Emotional apathy-
This was both a pro and a con in the beginning, as before I went on Escitalopram I had very bad social anxiety (and have had my entire life). My anxiety was so bad that I decided to go to a smaller school for my Sophmore year of high school, where I was very dedicated to better myself (putting myself out of my comfort zone, working out, eat better etc.). I saw antidepressants as just another "step" in the process of getting better, so I started looking for that "magic pill" to help me along. I was convinced that I needed treatment. As a result of all these things my anxiety completely went away, and it freed me up a bit to do things I wanted to do in my pre-pssd state. For my Junior year I returned to my old high school, and it was completely different. I made more friends then than even before in my life, I met a great girl had I had a meaningful relationship with a girl for a year and a half. While this was all great, the opposite side of the coin was the emotional apathy, which I can best describe as having all emotions "watered down" to an extent and some absent (libido). Although I loved my girlfriend, I knew that the emotional attachment I had to her wasn’t everything it could’ve been. I can’t stress enough how helpful it is to have someone close to you that you can tell everything to: whether it be a significant other, parent, friend, sibling, something. Despite the overall lack of emotions I experienced, the spring of 2017-fall of 2017 was easily the most meaningful time in my life, as I reconnected with old friends, met my girlfriend, lost my virginity, etc etc. Whenever I feel depressed about pssd, I remind myself that the best time of my life was also when I was going through the thick of pssd.

-Loss of libido/dick problems-
Ever since quitting Lexapro I’ve felt almost 0 sex drive, with some improvements as of late. In the beginning porn wouldn’t get me hard at all, It took forever to even get a semi full dick enough to whack it. Now I’ll get 70% boners when looking at porn, and 100% boners with porn+my hand or even just my hand. I noticed that I did have serious sensitivity issues, for example I didn’t cum or feel any pleasure with my first blowjob (approx 7 months after getting pssd). When me and my girlfriend used to fuck I would sometimes go soft, and I was never 100% hard. She was really understanding though. I regained full boners during sex last fall.

-Brain Fog-
I’ve noticed this more in the past year, but I’ve been generally forgetful since I’ve been off of Lexapro. However, this could be due to numerous factors. I’m sure there’s a lot of things to do to relieve or even cure it, as when I exercise I temporarily feel better, I’ve just been a lazy fuck.

-Loss of activities/motivation-
I used to be addicted to gambling, video games, porn, working out, etc before Lexapro. It’s like I completely lost interest in all of these things, and everything else. Interests have maybe somewhat come back to me, but very minimally. I’ve noticed that I feel better overall the more I get out of my comfort zone and do things though.

I feel like I can now finally sort this out, and better myself. It seems that the my overall trend is positive, it feels like one major component gets a boost every few months or so. Also seems that I’ve healed faster in without dealing with the stress of dysfunctional relationship. For anyone that’s read to here, thank you for listening to my story. I plan on making baseline comparisons of every aspect as well as creating a log to note my improvements/regressions of my conditions, along with experimentation.

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 12:04 pm
by hgwxx7
Have you tried anything for healing? For example SJW?

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Wed Jan 02, 2019 5:41 pm
by healing
Have you tried anything for healing? For example SJW?

Not specifically, however I tried CBD oil @30 mg/day for about a month, didn't make much of a difference either way. Will probably try again in the future with detailed log.

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2019 12:04 pm
by sovietxrobot
Your story sounds surprisingly similar to mine. I too had a lifelong anxiety problem, and just like you, citalopram was life-changing. I also developed PSSD after missing too many doses, with the same symptoms you described- horrible brain fog, apathy, loss of interest, and complete loss of sex drive.

I have done a lot of experimentation, doctor visits, and several psychiatrists. I have a thread in 'treatments and experimentation' that you can read for more details. My very general theory is that something happened during withdrawal and left me with critically lower levels of dopamine and serotonin; I don't know why or how. I had to go back on escitalopram because my anxiety was unbearable, but it took a higher dosage to get a more modest effect (20mg -> 30mg). In addition to that, I take 450mg Wellbutrin, and a bunch of supplements that supposedly boost dopamine production and/or lower prolactin. I've improved a lot, but still not 100%.

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Thu Jan 03, 2019 7:29 pm
by healing
Your story sounds surprisingly similar to mine. I too had a lifelong anxiety problem, and just like you, citalopram was life-changing. I also developed PSSD after missing too many doses, with the same symptoms you described- horrible brain fog, apathy, loss of interest, and complete loss of sex drive.

I have done a lot of experimentation, doctor visits, and several psychiatrists. I have a thread in 'treatments and experimentation' that you can read for more details. My very general theory is that something happened during withdrawal and left me with critically lower levels of dopamine and serotonin; I don't know why or how. I had to go back on escitalopram because my anxiety was unbearable, but it took a higher dosage to get a more modest effect (20mg -> 30mg). In addition to that, I take 450mg Wellbutrin, and a bunch of supplements that supposedly boost dopamine production and/or lower prolactin. I've improved a lot, but still not 100%.


Interesting, it seems fairly uncommon on here to feel mostly fine (sexually) while on our SSRI's and experiencing pssd after we quickly stopped taking them. Maybe going back on medication would be beneficial for me, but I'll most likely try them after I experiment with different natural supplements. I think the biggest difference in our story is that pssd almost completely took away all emotions from me, including my anxiety. When I notice improvements in my emotions, it feels that I can have the equal opportunity to feel all emotions more intensely, both positive and negative. Anyways I'll make sure to check my prolactin and cortisol levels when I schedule a blood test. I'll likely try some of the supplements you've taken down the line and report back. It's awesome that you're feeling better man, your progress inspires everyone. I know one day we will both get back to 100%, it's only a matter of time :D

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Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 9:23 am
by NeverBeenTold
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Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Fri Jan 04, 2019 11:31 am
by healing
Don't be silly.

There's more than one class of psychiatric drug, I've read a success story from things like Mianserin (https://pssdlab.wordpress.com/louis-syfer-mianserin/), to even low dose SSRI's (https://pssdlab.wordpress.com/pete-low-dose-ssri/). Although low dose SSRI's would be one of the last things I'd try, everything is on the table for me.

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2019 9:40 am
by healing
Update: tried inositol for a month, started working out regularly, started going to therapy, will start microdosing psilocybin, apointment with Dr. Goldstein.

The inositol created intense dreams, and made me feel actually refreshed when I woke up (that effect waned unfortunately). Whilst on inositol my social anxiety and ocd came back (maybe 40% pre-pssd). I find it’s harder to talk with people, maintain conversations, etc. I get more obsessive thoughts. Everything feels more real though. I feel like I’m slowly going back to my old self, for better and worse. Other than that there was not much effect on sexuality.

I’ve been lifting about 3 times every week. In the beginning I would get morning wood every morning after consistently. I also noticed that my overall libido increased in the briefly after I’d lift weights (possible testosterone link?). Though both these effects have somewhat waned, my overall libido and morning wood have gotten better. I now wake up with morning wood about half the time, and libido comes back more often (though nothing like it used to be). I’ve also noticed that my libido gets a little better after a stressful day at work. I’ve noticed that morning wood usually comes after I’ve rested a full 8-10 hours.

I’m still in the beginning stages of therapy now, we’ll see if it has any effect.

I plan on microdosing psilocybin mushrooms for a month to see if it has any effect on my anhedonia, ocd, anxiety, and any effects on libido. Will keep a detailed log of everything.

I’m currently setting up at appointment to see Dr. Goldstein.

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2019 1:08 pm
by Red88
I recovered from PSSD completely. Just noticed today. Haven't even had it cross my mind since about a year back. Figured I'd drop by and give some people some hope? It actually does go away. Praise the lord

Re: Healing Intro

Unread postPosted: Fri Feb 15, 2019 3:20 pm
by Shanks
Red88 wrote:I recovered from PSSD completely. Just noticed today. Haven't even had it cross my mind since about a year back. Figured I'd drop by and give some people some hope? It actually does go away. Praise the lord


It goes away! What a statement. How long do i have to wait? 5 years? 10 years?