Anxiety and depression and PSSD, oh my!

[Octopus]

I've actually taken methylphenidate before. It did not help with any of my particular problems. This is just a general statement because I don't have a "scientific mind" as you say, but stimulants in general seem to make my anxiety worse while doing nothing to help my sexual problems. I used to take Focalin(dexmethylphenidate) too and it worked better in terms of lifting my mood (I took it for ADHD but not sure how well it helped with that), but then there was always the crash after the pills wore off and when I finally quit taking it the withdrawal was pretty rough.

[Octopus]

Still on the hunt for something to help with my anxiety and depression (and PSSD). My psychiatrist just prescribed Lithium beginning at a low dose of 150mg. I’ve been reading some scary things about side effects—heart, kidney, thyroid problems (even potential brain damage??) From what I understand those side effects only occur at higher doses but I’m still pretty scared. Does anyone here know anything about or have any experience with Lithium?

[Octopus]

(tl;dr if anyone wants to PM me, I could really use a buddy)

I’ve been taking 150mg lithium for the past week and a half and I’ve decided to quit taking it. I’ve been reading scary things about the side effects it can have on thyroid, kidneys, etc. and I just don’t want to go down this road.

Logically, I know it is worth the risk and I should keep taking it because I feel terrible and I can’t stand to keep feeling like this. But I just can’t seem to make myself swallow those pills anymore.

I took Prozac for years and kept putting up with the sexual side effects because I thought the alternative would be worse. But ultimately Prozac ended up having no significantly positive impact on my life (apart from when I was a child) and even if I had regained my sexuality upon quitting the Prozac, I still don’t think it would have been worth the years I lost. I couldn’t live with myself if I ended up causing permanent damage to my body again while having made no gains with regard to my mental health.

But I don’t know what to do now. I have $6 in my bank account so I can’t afford to visit my psychiatrist and talk to her about it. I’ve seen dozens of psychiatrists and the one I’m seeing now is supposed to be the best around and it seemed like she didn’t have any ideas other than Lithium because I’ve already tried everything else.

The scariest thing is knowing that I’m not going to kill myself. I’ve probably felt this desperate before, if not more so, and I haven’t killed myself yet so I don’t know why I would now. But my fear is that by the time I am desperate enough, I’ll be homeless or in prison or in a mental institution and it will be a lot harder to kill myself because I won’t have the ideal resources. I’m terrified of how much more I’ll have to suffer before calling it quits.

I’m tired of people acting like all psych meds are terrible/poison and that therapy and meditation (or whatever) will cure all ills. I’m equally tired of people on the opposite side acting like I’m just a crazy person who needs to shut up and take their meds (not referring to people on this message board, just people in general). Sometimes there just isn’t a good answer. I guess I’m still holding on to the insane glimmer of hope that someone will tell me I’m wrong and that there is a way out of this (aside from the obvious, I mean)

[Twentyoneguns]

Hi

In 1994 I had 8 rounds of ECT followed by Lithium, the theory was that the ECT would "cure" my depression and the Lithium would stabilise my mood. I had to have all sorts of tests before and during the Lithium....mainly liver function I think.

Apart from blowing large chunks of memory away around the time of the ECT, this combo did absolutely nothing to help my condition...I think I discontinued the Lithium CT after about a year...no apparent side effects.

I was also on Prozac for ages, this too provided no relief, although I kept taking it just in case things would be even worse if I stopped it. What a mess!

I stopped and restarted the Prozac several times over the years with no side effects.

The killer for me was when my doctor suggested changing to Sertarline...3 tablets and I was screwed...full on PSSD. As someone else mentioned on another thread it seems a previous history of SSRI use makes us very sensitive to medication and it is just a matter of time before some random change in medication hits us hard.

21g

[Octopus]

What are you doing to manage your depression now? Have you found anything that helps?

[jaiho]

’m tired of people acting like all psych meds are terrible/poison and that therapy and meditation (or whatever) will cure all ills. I’m equally tired of people on the opposite side acting like I’m just a crazy person who needs to shut up and take their meds (not referring to people on this message board, just people in general). Sometimes there just isn’t a good answer. I guess I’m still holding on to the insane glimmer of hope that someone will tell me I’m wrong and that there is a way out of this (aside from the obvious, I mean)

Totally agree. If people do not take meds when they need them, they will live a deeply unhappy life.
Some people just need them. Despite doing every single thing right, lifestyle wise.

I'm one of those people. Diet, Socialising, Exercise+Mediation only touch on the symptoms very slightly. I'd rather have a chance at happiness and sacrifice sexuality than be numb and have no sexuality off meds. But thats just me.

[Twentyoneguns]

Jaiho, I would love to find a medication that would give me relief, but I have never found anything that even comes close...everything I have tried either does nothing or brings me some sort of grief...PSSD being the piece de resistance. I just can't afford to try anything else health wise.

How am I dealing with the depression and anxiety? I just strap myself in and go with the ride... It's rough, very rough, but at least it's a genuine feeling rather than some unpredictable chemically induced experience.

I try self help books, most of which are recycling the same old stuff, however I have recently been reading " the worry trick" which seems to make sense at the moment....I have some hope for this one...it's a kind of updated version of Clare Weeks work.

Exercise to the point of exhaustion helps in spite of picking up minor injuries.

Getting out of bed before 9am and make myself a decent healthy breakfast, starting the day well is important.

Surrounding myself with positive people

Trying not to talk to friends about depression....they get tired of it and the relief is only temporary, ultimately making things worse.

Travel...even simple stuff helps....getting on a train to anywhere, seeing something different.

Being outgoing...this is easier than I thought, it feels totally fake, but the positive reaction from people is very uplifting. Sometimes it doesn't go well, but hey, nothing is perfect every time eh?

I am fortunate that my previous depressive episodes have lasted from between 3 to 9 months and have all ended spontaneously, like some kind of biblical miracle. I have faith this time it will too, even though it has been 18 months. Every time the episode has felt impossible and different to the other times and that "this time it won't get better" and is permanent....but I've grown wise to the pattern... It will get better...it's not easy or pleasant to go through this every time.

Anyway, fuck it, it's time to get up and fake another day, its going to be hard work and no doubt I'll feel terrible and desperate at times, but it's better and more productive than staying in bed all day....it's gotta start working soon!


21g

[Octopus]

So I’m in sort of a PSSD rut I guess. I’m thinking of trying a new treatment and looking for input. I’m going back to see my gynecologist on Thursday. Last time I was there she prescribed a Viagra cream for my issues with numbness and physical arousal. It didn’t help (and to be honest I hadn’t really expected it to but figured it was worth a try). It seems like Ella is the hip PSSD treatment these days but I don’t know if that would be an appropriate treatment for me because when I had my hormones tested my progesterone was slightly low.

The other thing I was doing for a while was taking Bacopa and Inositol. I quit taking them at some point because I just forgot, basically, but I really wasn’t seeing any results from them even when I was taking them regularly. I want to get back to taking them for a few more months at least though, because I was really hoping that it might help with my high anxiety, if not PSSD. I’m hoping writing this will make me feel accountable and remember to actually take my pills/powder.