While I was still functional I wasn't the same. This girl was young and beautiful and I should have been all over her. But my lack of libido and premature ejaculation made me insecure about sex. There were other problems in the relationship and I was even more anxious than usual. I went back to benzos to help but they just improved the anxiety, obviously didn't help the sexual effects. After a terrible break up with this borderline personality I wound up back in a psychiatrists office. He played down the sexual problems, thought they were mostly depression and would resolve. Gave me Prozac and I believe Wellbutrin to attempt to counter the sexual side effects although that may have been later. I made the biggest mistake of my life and took the Prozac for 3 weeks before deciding no more. The med wasn't that effective and I was sick of the sides. I took Wellbutrin in an attempt to deal with the depression and sexual problems.
Things got progressively worse until early June 2018 when I "crashed" completely. I know have complete numbness all over my body especially in my penis, no emotions, cognitive impairment, severe insomnia, no libido, erectile dysfunction, genital shrinkage, dry skin and eyes, thinning hair, impaired taste and smell, etc. Just some of these side effects make me want to kill myself let alone all of them. The only thing keeping me alive is my mother and dog. I have other family members and some friends who care about me but this is too much. I'm a walking dead person. I always say that I'll try to make it to 40 and see if I improve but this is impossible. I've been hit really hard. Ironically enough my OCD and anxiety are somewhat better. Just at the expense of my brain and the rest of my emotions. Also I can no longer get high of other drugs because they no longer work. My psych tries to tell me that's a good thing
I would be self-medicating all the time if they did work cause this condition is a nightmare. Anyway I tried TMS but that didn't work. Maybe it helped the akathasia and derealization I dealt with at first. I'm also trying many supplements, I'm going to visit Dr. Goldstein in December. If nothing works I've already joined Dignitas, which is an assisted suicide group in Switzerland. They have lenient suicide laws there. You're condition doesn't have to be terminal. Mental illness and neurological conditions, like this, qualify as well. If not I'll just get a nitrogen tank and do it myself. Sorry for being so morbid but I don't feel like a person anymore and I've had enough suffering in life.
